I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
