I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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