Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
