I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
