Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
