i think my tv is drunk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize