I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
