I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
