It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
