I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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