I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize