I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
