I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
