OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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