I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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