ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
