Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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