I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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