Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
