Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
