I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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