Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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