Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
