apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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