Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
