Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
