ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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