My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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