I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
