I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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