i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
