im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
