they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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