she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
