I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
