whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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