if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
