she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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