Kiss
Puke
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
