Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
