i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
