there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
