good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
