i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
