Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
