so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
