it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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