i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
