You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
