dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
