You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
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Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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