Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
