She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
