cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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