So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
