feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
