my mouth tastes like poor choices
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
