You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
