I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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