tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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