It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
