there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
