she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
