i don't like sucking hair
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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