i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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