Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The air was thick with penises
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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