I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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