Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
